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KOOL KEITH
Matthew (Threshold/Funky Ass)
Reviewed by Jason Thornberry
'Kool' Keith Thornton (aka Dr. Dooom, Rhythm X, Big Willie, Black Elvis, and Poppa Large, etc.) just might be the most prolific rapper ever. Questionable is the concept that he'll ever repeat the warped brilliance displayed on his 1996 effort as Dr. Octagon. You can look forward to him putting stuff out with such regularity that every time you pop into a record shop, it's there on the end-cap: KOOL KEITH, formerly of the Ultramagnetic MCs, admitted porno-phile, former patient of Bellevue (a hospital in New York for people with very active imaginations. Keith Thornton probably ran the place). No sex concept-cd this time around: "Sex style. Niggas want it free. Their dogs drink my piss". It has nothing to do (probably) with the budgets and expectations that face 'Keef whenever he drops a solo release. It's just that his Cenobites project, which was on Fondle 'Em Records (and came out about five weeks prior to Matthew) was leagues better than his Black Elvis/Lost in Space album, on Columbia Records.
Keith still finds the posterior area on the human frame, sphincters, and rectums utterly fascinating: "Lick the back of my ass quick" He also still likes to make sure the choruses are singable. Even if they don't have the expected 'baby, oooooh my darling' platitudes: "You never lived in the projects. You ain't no drug dealer." Keith is (probably correctly) convinced that about half of the rappers on this planet are "tryin' to copy my shit". He holds nothing back…"Look at your favorite rap star—corny as a motherfucker." He's also very, very skeptical of the press: "Fuck the critics. Everything I make is a hit."
Despite his vitriol for the record business as a whole, he doesn't come off as the macho hard-case one would expect of an ex-mental patient. In fact, Keith is very quick to shoot the fakers down and put the music world in its place. "The average MC is bullshit." He is clearly a Rebel Without a Pause, dropping true science, and enlightening anyone interested of jumping into the shark-infested waters of the music world. He's very blunt when it comes to 'A&Rs'. In "Recoupment (Skit)," he impersonates one of them, dining with a hopeful band (who undoubtedly picked up the tab): "We rented a lot of anorexic girls to stand and grab you guys and make you look macho... I'm afraid we just can't cut a check right now. You haven't recouped. My suggestion is: You guys keep your fucking jobs at 7-11."
He also dissects the plight of a star confronted by the overzealous on Back-Stage Passes: "See a girl after the show. I'm not to be idolized. Overwhelmed by new-obsessed-fan. 'No, I don't wanna answer your questions. Are you some kinda journalist?' Follow me around—come on in the bathroom. Now you wanna see how Keith acts at home. Now you wanna see the way I p-i-s-s. 'Let's party, how 'bout it?' 'I don't wanna party; drink Bacardi. What you think I look like? The purple dragon, Barney? I'm totally attracted to you. But you turn me off as a fan.' There's no time to talk about how I got started in rap. I'm going straight home. What you want from me? You took my picture. You got my autograph. You are immature." Or "Do that stupid stuff for Weird Al Yankovic. First of all, you're living through my cd. Second, you don't know me. Base your life on fan-magazines. I go shopping every day. When I'm in the small, boring City you don't see me. If I told ya I had 18 hands, you're so tuned and tweaked out, you're ass would believe me."
He very clearly sees rock and rap as the image-conscious money game it has become: "Is that the way your stylist makes you dress? The absurdities of modern life are especially absurd when you hear Keith rhyming them: "Me standing on top of your tour-bus butt-naked with a hockey mask." Or "Slicin' your cashmere up with a sharp Seven-Up glass." Or "With an Elvis wig, slap the piss outta one of you un-talented rap motherfukahs."
A breath of fresh air in Thornton's music -- even though there is still a verrry dated amount of backward homophobia involved in his music -- is the lack of 'I gotta get mine regardless' nihilism that is scaring off droves of potential rap listeners. Instead of bragging about killing people (which is White America's nightmare, and its backing-away point), and smackin' hos, Kool Keith lays out info, like: "I baby-sit three kids." Is one of them called Matthew? Keith is too busy being frighteningly productive to jack cars: "Police asked me what happened. I don't know. I'm steady rappin'. Check my finger-prints. My hand never touched that gun." Also: "Investigators riding up my elevator for questioning. I'm just a plain MC. Why do u all wanna see me. I have no clue about what that person went through." And when it goes beyond simple questioning: "Check my house; just a chia-pet." Later: "The D.A. said 'Keith, you're not guilty."
He claimed on Dr. Octagon that A&R men everywhere will try and steal his recipe for creative madness. He was right. But they all want the Genuine Article. If they can get it: "I got respect. I just turned down a major-label project." Keith is incredibly creative, even for todays rap music, especially given it's "no future" mindset. Rather than sing about how many hos he gets, he'd rather cop a Jamaican patois: "Who da fuck ya 'tink you are, mon?" You'll notice that all of his quotes have liberal doses of profanity in them, but that's par for the course with Kool Keith. He's no Will Smith. And I'm glad.
© 2000 - Jason Thornberry