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Movie: T3 - The Rise Of The Machines
Starring Arnold Shwarzenegger; Directed by Johnathan Mostow
Written by John Brancato and Michael Ferris (Warner Brothers)
Reviewed by Rusty Pipes
The Scene: Two years ago at Warner Brothers, one last phonecall before greenlighting Terminator 3.
An engaging story in an action movie? Who needs that? Nah, just put some new tread on T2 so Ah-nold can get one more starring role in before he goes into politics. Let's start off with the future rebel leader, John Conners, but make him an adult this time, and let's give him another female companion, his future wife instead of his mother this time, and another slippery liquid metal attacker but female this time, and of course another T-101 to protect him so Arnie has something to do this time too. Hmm. What else do we need to keep things interesting? I know, we'll joke around with the robot's need for clothes, his penchant for sunglasses this time, and he can start cars with keys he finds in the visor again, all the stuff you love the Terminator series for! And for good measure we'll use broken torso of a robot still attacking in the final scene that goes all the way back to T1! Can you say hit action movie, WB?
Well, it must've sounded like the perfect recipe for a hit to someone in Warner Brothers, but I think the "T" in T3 stands for Turkey this time out.
I've said it before, I'm a story-first kinda guy and T3's story needs help in a big way. The opening scenes have the most problems - how did the TX know to go to the veterinary clinic at 5:30 in the morning? Why did the TX rip off a policeman's pop gun when she has a built in plasma rifle? Why did she chase John Conners in that huge crane, the slowest vehicle possible? Why can't she just box him in with all the police cars she controls? Hey, I'm just getting started! If these robots from the future are so insidious, how the hell do the future humans reprogram them so easily? And if it's so easy to reprogram them, what's the problem? The war would've been over in a week. And speaking of Time, who the heck developed time travel after civilization has fallen? Even the subtitle of T2, Judgment Day, seems to be a more accurate description of the final scene in T3, not T2. Maybe if they welded the last reel of T3 onto T2 they might have a better story. Call it T2 And A Half - Judgment Day.
I can't wait for T4. The only mystery will be how they are going to write their way out of that big hole they created when the friendly-father-figure T-101 told Conners it had killed him in the future. I guess it gets past his defenses with sentimentality. (C'mon give your ever-loving metal-chassis dad a hug for old time's sake!) Or maybe he gets past because he looks just like the former Governor of California.
Actually I can wait for the next Terminator. A very long time.
The Skinny:
Am I glad I saw the film? No, its only value is as a case history of Hollywood excess.(Also Starring Nick Danes, Claire Danes, Kristanna Lokken)
© 2003 - Rusty Pipes