You've been on the road selling grommets the whole day and your feet hurt. At last you've finally gotten a room at the local Holiday Ramada and to unwind, you seek out a high octane drink in the bar by the lobby. Another tropical-themed bar like a thousand others; still, you're thankful it's happy hour. You see the combo on the bandstand but you're already in lock-out mode, ignoring their tinkling trills. They sound like any other lounge act anyway, maybe tighter than most, but you only want to concentrate on this parasol-infested Mai-Tai that's just arrived.

A few minutes later, somehow a lyric sticks in your ear. Suddenly you realize that instead of refried Barry Mayonnaise and Dawn hits, the band is actually doing something by--no, it can't be--Nirvana's RAPE ME!? Damn, this drink must be stronger than you thought!

The band launches into another number with the sugary electric piano sounding like little toy bells, but the front man is earnestly singing "You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you, you let me penetrate you..." "Whoa, Nine Inch Nails!" you say to yourself. "Let's take this here drink down to a table in front; this ain't no average lounge act!"

This is Richard Cheese's Lounge Against the Machine, a creation of Mark Johnathan Davis. It's lounge versions of today's most abrasive hits--songs by Limp Bizkit, Prodigy, Sublime, Blink 182, Papa Roach and many others--but done so you can really hear the, er, poetry for the first time. Plus, now you can appreciate the swinging melodies these dreadfully depressed young songwriters are putting out, too! Call it underground goes pop, call it alternative stealth lounge, call it the funniest, most outrageous CD you've heard in years. Really, you haven't had so much fun since the Musak version of Prince's 1999 was playing in elevators years ago. This is an instant comedy classic, an album that will be a favorite in Animal-Frat Houses everywhere, a great practical joke at your next wedding reception, and no doubt, a hit for years to come on Doctor Demento.

Look out Wayne Newton! We are obviously at the start of something big here, so it was a no-brainer to seek out Richard Cheese and ask him all about Lounge Against the Machine.


Cosmik: Who are your heroes in Lounge Music?

Cheese: Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, Sammy Davis Junior, you know, all the great ones.

Cosmik: How did you meet Bobby Ricotta, Gordon Brie and Buddy Gouda, the other members of your band?

Cheese: I put an ad into a music magazine in Wisconsin and the rest is "cheestory."

Cosmik: The picture on the cover of the album was taken at the Roxy in July, was that your first show?

Cheese: The Roxy show was not our first show, it was actually show minus one... Our first show will be number one. Right now we haven't done any shows yet, but that was basically minus one on the integer scale because we didn't perform any songs nor did I sing. All I did was come up onstage and immediately jump into the crowd and then ended the concert. I thought it would be interesting to not actually perform any songs or be entertaining whatsoever. I think we accomplished that and we are very proud.

Cosmik: OK, granted it's a lounge singer's job to entertain, what kind of venues do you think you'll be playing in now that you are recording artists?

Cheese: In Los Angeles there are a couple world famous places like The Derby, and The Cinegrill in Hollywood. We also might play a place called the Pantages Theater. They have this Lion King thing going on there and that might get in the way, but we're trying to see if there's a dark night where we can go in there for a quick gig. We are also going to play a Starbucks somewhere in Seattle, but we understand there aren't that many locations so it will be a bit difficult to choose one that's geographically central for our fans in the Washington area. We'd also like to play the Presidential Inaugural Ball in January. Hopefully the band can get through the pat-down.

Cosmik: Regardless of who gets elected?

Cheese: Right! Good music has no political favorite.

Cosmik: Have you been singing long?

Cheese: I sing long, I sing short, I sing medium, I sing large. Never though, do I sing extra large. I think that is just not my place.

Cosmik: Bill Murray used to do a bit on Saturday Night Live that was a Lounge singer. There were a dozen variations but he was always named Nick something, do you take inspiration from that?

Cheese: I went to school with him, Nick.

Cosmik: Really?

Cheese: No. The Bill Murray thing, we totally ripped him off. I mean this is a clear blatant rip-off of that. We will not be surprised when we get sued--I'm just looking forward to playing at the trial.

Cosmik: Just another venue.

Cheese: Just another venue, just another audience.

Cosmik: So is this really just a lark from your day job?

Cheese: I have been doing this since I was eight years old and I can't imagine working nine to five, unless it's nine PM to five AM.

Cosmik: How many Holiday Inns have you actually played, Richard?

Cheese: How many Holiday Inns are there? It's a formula. It's the number of Holiday Inns, multiplied by the number of Best Westerns divided by the number of Super 8's.

Cosmik: Do you change the songs you sing to fit the audience?

Cheese: Let's say we are playing at a Holiday Inn. We'll try and play where the first letter of the title is an H and the second song begins with an O and the third song begins with L and on like that. It's really good to play a Ramada or a Motel 6, because it's only five or six songs. We have a big problem when we play the Westin Bonaventure downtown, or playing the Sheraton Austin Kaanapali. Not a lot of songs start with the letter K.

Cosmik: What other music do you like besides lounge?

Cheese: TV theme songs, but only the ones with lyrics. I don't like the instrumentals. You know what really pisses me off? The Rifleman, because there's no lyric, just those gunshots. They could've been talking that whole time. It just steams me!

Cosmik: So is there something like a lounge version of the Mr. Ed theme song in your repertoire?

Cheese: Well, we're thinking of doing like a Three's Company thing because it's a classic and it tells a very poignant story about love and loyalty. The Three's Company theme speaks to a whole generation who really know where the Regal Beagle is in themselves.

Cosmik: What leads you to one song versus another?

Cheese: That's an excellent question. We tried to choose songs that represented the breadth of the typical alternative playlist, from hardcore bands to mainstream pop, from old songs to new songs, from fast songs to slow songs, from the mountains to the prairies. We tried to pick the songs, the lyrics, the feeling of the song that communicated that same kind of happening feel of the traditional golden era of standard pop songs. So, we basically chose the gems out of the jewel box.

Cosmik: You chose so many alternative songs, ones with lyrics which might upset some people, but I must admit you do it so well, you make it really palatable. But why did you make the album so risque?

Cheese: My job as a singer is not to change the words or censor the song. I just like to sing what the writer of the song intended. And if it uses sophisticated language, well, I'm no scholar, I'm just a singer.

Cosmik: "Holiday in Cambodia" by the Dead Kennedys is certainly one of my favorites from a long time ago.

Cheese: Funny you mention that song, we needed a Christmas song and there aren't that many alternative Christmas songs that aren't already pretty Cheesesque. I mean, we could have done Last Christmas by Wham or Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses, but we felt that Holiday in Cambodia, because it really isn't a Christmas song at all, would be the perfect Christmas song.

Cosmik: I also appreciate your version of U2's "Bullet in the Blue Sky," but I think my favorite is your version of Radiohead's "Creep."

Cheese: We think that Radiohead is brilliant. They really know how to make a song swing and the arrangement we did with the big band is something we looked forward to. It's a 38 piece band playing it. We had to rent an extra recording studio, plus we added a Winnebago outside, where the glockenspieler sat. And to have that kind of huge power behind the song--which is generally a one guitar, one drum, one squeaking Brit song--we liked to do the big band arrangement (instead) to really put the music out there. I'm very pleased with it and I'm very excited because we are opening for Radiohead on the 20th at the Greek.

Cosmik: Really?

Cheese: No.

Cosmik: Oh well, no matter. Everyone I've played Lounge Against The Machine for ends up rolling on the floor laughing. It's the funniest thing I've heard in years!

Cheese: Glad you enjoyed it, because that's why we did it.

(C) 2000 - Rusty Pipes