Please forgive me for leaving the Email in an "All Caps" format, but this is exactly how it arrived in my inbox. Based on this "All Caps" approach, it seems this individual could also use some education in Email etiquette.

I have omitted the name(s) to protect the genderless guilty (even idiots require protection at times). Let this degraded attempt at communication serve as a lesson to all. Verily, verily, I say unto thee… in your business communications within the music industry, ESPECIALLY, your initial contacts, NEVER do this! And, I mean NEVER!

"HI KENNY LOVE, COOL NAME. MINE IS -------------. I RECEIVED YOUR E-MAIL TODAY. KENNY YOU LOST ME SOMEWHERE.HOW DID YOU FIND ME? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? IM THE LEAD GUITAR PLAYER FOR -------------------------------------, WHICH IS MY STUDIO. I AM ALSO A REP AND SCOUT FOR A$R AND EPIC AND SOON TO BE LOCAL STRINGER FOR MTV. I AM ALSO A BAND MANAGER FOR ABOUT 1O BANDS. I HAVE MY ASSOCIATES DEGREE IN MUSIC AND WILL BE GOING TO FULL SAIL REAL WORLD EDUCATION IN WINTER PARK,FLA. TO GET MY B.A.IVE BEEN DOING PRETTY GOOD FOR MYSELF AND MY CREW UNDER MY WING. I AM ALSO ONE OF THE TOP TEN WANTED LEAD GUITAR PLAYERS IN THE COUNTRY RIGHT NOW. I HAVE NUMEROUS OFFERS THAT I AM CHECKING OUT RIGHT NOW. IM TALKING PRO SITUATIONS. DO YOU KNOW JULIE ANN,? SOLO ARTIST OUT OF AUSTIN/DALLAS,TX. SHE WAS ON THE A$R FRONT PAGE LAST MONTH.SINCE YOUR FROM TEXAS YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD OF HER, IF YOU DONT ALREADY KNOW HER. WELL I DO AS WELL AS NUMEROUS OTHER GREAT TALENTED BANDS. I DONT WANT TO SOUND PRUDISH HAHA OR ANYTHING BUT IT WOULD BE IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO NOT ASK TO MEET ME WHILE HOLDING OUT YOUR HAND FOR MONEY, CANT BLAME A GUY FOR TRYING THOUGH MR.KENNY LOVE. BUT I WOULD CONSIDER SEEING HOW WE COULD HELP EACH OTHER IF YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR STUFF. ALSO MY DAD IS A WRITER OF BOOKS, 2 BEING RELEASED IN 2000 AND HE HAS MOVIE OFFERS. WE HAVE A FILM AND MOVIE PRODUCTION COMPANY CALLED --------------------------- ----------. ANYWAY SINCE I LIKE YOUR NAME I WOULD LIKE TO TALK WITH YOU. SO YOU CAN CALL ME AT -------------. IF IM NOT HERE MY EXEC SEC HEATHER IS HERE ANSWERING MY PHONES, BEEPERS AND CELLS PHONES AND E-MAILS. TALK TO YOU SOON, --------"

Kenny Love: "Gee…you think? I'm calling this guy right now!" (Oops! Afraid I let the gender be known after all…)

Are there lessons to be learned from the above attempt at Communicating within the Music Business? Yes, by simply Repeating over, and over, and over, the PM Oath (Professional Musician's Oath) below. Now, repeat after me…

"The PMO (Professional Musician's Oath)"

"I am a Professional Musician. I realize that although I love my art, I am still very much in a 'business' and will, by all means, conduct myself as such in all appropriate instances. I understand there is etiquette, even in a free-flowing industry such as my chosen field. As such, I will learn to execute my actions in a professional business manner when required to do so. Under no circumstances will I ever exchange communication…verbally, written, or otherwise, so as to represent myself as a totally unadulterated Idiot."

Editor's Note: The only man left alive with indisputable proof that Texas is really located somewhere in the Sahara Desert, Kenny Love is also a National Record Promoter and Press Publicist. Promoting all genres of music, he works with "Indies" on a "back-end" deal, saving them enormous up-front service fees. Get complete information on his services by sending an Email request to sachjainfo@smartbotpro.net.