I collected baseball cards when I was a kid. Come to think of it, I collected baseball cards when I was 30, as well. Let's face it, some of us are born collectors, driven by the notion of having everything available within certain perimeters, be it every 1972 Topps baseball card or every stamp England issued in 1950. You have to care about the thing you collect, of course, or... or what's the point?

The baseball cards are still here, neatly packed in long boxes with the dates written on them, gathering dust and hangin' 'round in hopes of gaining some kind of value someday, and once in a while they're fun to look at. That... is about it.

The only hobby I've ever had that has really made me happy, kept me interested, introduced me to a lot of great people and truly given my imagination a workout is OTR-collecting. OTR means Old Time Radio. Most people have seen cassettes sitting with the impulse items at department store checkout lines, usually The Shadow or Jack Benny--both good shows but just the tip of the tip of the iceberg--or, at the outside, Burns & Allen. These are recordings from the years before TV came along, and some from the era when radio was dying a sad death because of the aforementioned boob toob. Tragic. TV's advantages over radio are obvious, but what about radio's advantages over TV? The screen was in the listeners' minds--they weren't told what to visualize, and it wasn't painted out for them. It was theater of imagination. It still is, if you know where to look.

WHO CARES?

You might. Does history interest you? Do you find yourself watching The History or Discovery Channels? Or do you think the Germans won the Korean War and Groucho Marx was the father of communism? Okay, I figure you are one of the ones who care, or you'd be reading something else by now. People who have a fascination with times gone by seem to gravitate toward the OTR hobby because each show is a piece of history, a fragment of time that can transport any listener with enough imagination to make the trip. There are even newscasts to be found--many, in fact--that give you a first-hand feeling for the events that shaped our world. In short, there's a little of everything in the world of OTR, from variety shows to sci-fi to mysteries to anywhere else you want your imagination to go. So... what's good and what sucks?

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

It's just like music: totally subjective. The great thing is the vast array of choices. If you're just hearing about this world for the first time, you'll be surprised to know just how many shows there were, and how many have survived the ravages of time. Besides The Shadow and Jack Benny, there were detective shows like Phillip Marlowe, Sam Spade, Yours Truly Johnny Dollar, Rocky Jordan, Sherlock Holmes, Nero Wolfe, Nightbeat, Dragnet and more than we have time to mention. Comedy? How about Lucille Ball in My Favorite Husband? Or The Life Of Riley, or Baby Snooks, or The Aldrich Family. There are more shows being unearthed every day and it's already more than I can list here.

John Dunning has written two fantastic reference books on the subject of OTR. The first, Tune In Yesterday, is now as rare as hen's teeth and fetches around $175 per copy. Two years ago Dunning produced an updated edition called On The Air. If you're serious about getting into OTR, this is the one indispensable book--800 pages of information on just about every radio show from the 20s through the end of the radio era. To give you an idea of how vast the pool is, Dunning's book doesn't even mention British programs (or Australian, or South African or anything other than American). The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) has an even richer radio tradition than we have because they have never STOPPED making radio mystery, drama, comedy and sci-fi programs.

So how do you sort all these shows out? Well, you get to decide what's good and what's garbage, and you will. Everybody ends up having their favorites. Personally, I'm bowled over by The Goon Show (a wacky 1950s BBC comedy starring Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan and Harry Seacombe) and Damon Runyon Theater (think Guys & Dolls). I've run into people who only collect episodes of one show. In fact, I know one guy who basically only cares about programs featuring Vincent Price. Can't imagine, but as I say, it's all subjective. And he seems happy. As the prophet Simon once sang, "one man's ceiling is another man's floor."

WHO CAN AFFORD A HOBBY WITH THESE GAS PRICES!?

Got an Internet connection? Obviously, or you wouldn't be reading this. It's out there on the Net, my friends. There are websites, usenet newsgroups and FTP sites where these shows can be downloaded. What's more, most of the shows are in the public domain, so there's no (or very little) moral struggle over legalities. You know... like the struggle you or someone just like you has over snagging the latest Metallica song on Napster. Okay, calm down, maybe I was thinking of someone else.

If you have an IRC client, such as mIRC or Pirch, you can find other collectors hanging out together and talking shop, often trading shows in MP3 format right then and there. And if you have a CD burner, you can meet people who want to trade shows. It's a simple enough thing: you have some shows I want, I have some shows you want, so let's each make a CD and mail it to the other. Great system. And since a single CD can hold upwards of 100 half-hour shows, your collection grows quickly. Missing an episode of X Minus 1? Post a request on alt.binaries.sounds.radio.oldtime and chances are the show will be ready to download the next time you log on. Also a great system. (Note: there is another newsgroup with the same name, minus the "s" at the end of "sounds": alt.binaries.sound.radio.oldtime. It is also a very busy group with a lot of shows for you to snag. And check out alt.binaries.sounds.radio.misc.)

THE PERFECT HOBBY?

Despite this glowing love poem I'm writing to OTR here, there are some not-so-nice things about these great old shows, and some things that go far beyond "not-so-nice." Listening to these programs today, it's hard not to chuckle at the silliness of some of the stories, and impossible not to be dumbfounded by the sheer stupidity of much of the advertising. Those of us who weren't alive for the original broadcasts wonder, sometimes aloud, "Were people stupid enough to believe this garbage?" And the garbage was pushed at the public constantly, far more so than today. The sponsors managed to become part of the shows. Baby Snooks would be invited in to her neighbor's house for some Jell-O. Okay, that happens today, but in this case the neighbor was just the announcer doing his whole "Jell-O is good food" spiel. Jack Benny constantly worked his sponsors into his storylines. Just about everyone did. And some shows were one long commercial. Among the worst offenders was Benny Goodman's Camel Caravan, a music program in which half the songs suddenly became ads for Camel Cigarettes, with the vocalists changing from whatever the original lyrical topic was to something or other about American's demanding pure smoking satisfaction. Check out this silly commercial, one of the many that appeared between songs on Goodman's show.

Announcer: You'll find Camel smokers among the champions in most any sport. Take Leonard Spence, breaststroke champion of the world for five straight years. Here's what HE says about Camels.

Leonard Spence: When I feel tired, I light up a Camel and get a swell lift. Camels have a mellow, rich flavor that just strikes home with me. The tougher things get and the harder I train, the more I appreciate the fact that Camels don't frazzle my nerves. For sheer tastiness, give me Camels every time.

Yyyyyyeah. Unless they had the 14 and a half meter breaststroke back in those days, we can cast all the doubt we feel like casting at the notion of an endurance-sport athlete being big on Camels, or any other cigarettes. You make your own decisions here.

The absolute worst thing about radio in those days gone by was racism. Blacks were often depicted as stupid and subservient, and they weren't alone by any stretch of the imagination. Parodies and dialects that would mean instant boycotting today were commonplace, and no nationality was spared. Jack Benny would even tell his servant, Rochester, "Smile so I can see you" in a dark room. The audience howled, of course, and youngsters grew up thinking that was okay. To be fair, Benny was one of the greatest human beings to ever stand before a radio microphone, and he didn't have a racist bone in his body. It was just the way humor was in those times when nobody was complaining.

The secret to loving and collecting OTR is to remember that it was a naive time, that many people were ignorant and insensitive, that tobacco companies had a blank check and most sponsors had executive power over script-writers. Deal with that. If you're listening with kids in the room, use those offensive moments as object lessons. Turn it into something constructive.

The greatest thing about collecting OTR, for me, has been the discovery that my family enjoys it as well. Our 9-year-old daughter and I listen to Baby Snooks together and have a great time laughing, and I get together with our 12-year-old daughter for Chickenman episodes. My wife is a detective fan, and we love listening to Sherlock Holmes, The Saint and Nero Wolfe together. I imagine it's pretty much like it was 50 years ago as we sit near the computer (okay, that part is different) and listen to Snooks trying her daddy's patience. We're leaned back, eyes focused on nothing in particular because we're seeing with our imaginations. Old words and funny phrases start to creep in to our family vocabulary, and so far none of us have felt the urge for a Camel. I like this hobby.

Beginning next month, this discussion will continue as a monthly column. In future installments I'll share the secrets of collecting, including places to find rare shows, people to hook up with, books to pick up, and shows you might want to give a listen to. I'll be learning as I go, and I'd be happy to take you with me. We'll also learn a little bit of history about these programs and the people behind them. When it comes down to it, it's really all about history, whether we're hearing an actual newscast announcing the attack on Pearl Harbor or listening to our favorite comedy characters dealing with wartime food rationing. Until they invent the first time machine, this is a pretty fine way to travel.

(C) 2000 - DJ Johnson