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[The following interview is transcribed from John Sekerka's
radio show, Tornado Warning, which can be heard on CHUO-FM 89.1 in
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada every Tuesday night at 10pm eastern. By the
time they reach the print stage, they take on their new title: Tape
Hiss Interviews. You can find an archive of John's interviews at the
website for his online mag,
Thrust.
This month, John talks to that timeless legend of the porn flick industry, Ron Jeremy. While
this isn't a particularly graphic discussion of sex, please be forewarned that
there is some sexual content and that people who are under 18 or are easily offended
should choose another article from the menu at this point and read no further.]
Early in the morning, on the phone from his fancy L.A. pad, skin flick super star Ron
Jeremy, aka the hedgehog (the back hair! the back hair!) chats amiably about his career,
a new documentary and stand-up comedy, which took him to Canada in the dead of winter.
John: Are you crazy, we're knee deep in ice pellets up here!
Ron: Those idiot promoters! Is it too late to cancel?
John: Too late. The ads are out: Live Ron Jeremy.
Ron: What was I thinking?
John: People are gonna pay twenty bucks to see you perform stand-up comedy?
Ron: What a waste of money that is, I should be paying them.
John: How long have you been doing stand-up?
Ron: For a while now. I got pretty well known in Canada for it. I've been packing places. I did a show in Edmonton at the Thunderdome. I was staying at the same hotel as NSYNC, and they were using "Ron Jeremy" as a code name to check into the hotel. So there were two Ron Jeremys registered. It was a huge story, a big joke. All the young girls were calling me on the phone. So I wrote NSYNC a note: "Dear Joey Fatone, loved the great attention, hope I catch your cat. Love and kisses, the real Ron Jeremy. PS, please call Michelle in Alberta, it sounds important." He gave that letter to MTV and it became a big story.
John: So what happens in the act?
Ron: It's a stand-up act and usually I introduce a well known band like Run DMC or Kid Rock, or it might be me hosting a wet t-shirt contest or a banana eating contest, showing trailers of the documentary - an hour and a half of entertainment, both erotic and funny.
John: And there's a Q and A session afterwards?
Ron: Of course. If they wanna meet me and say hi, I'll be in the back, shaking hands, signing autographs, whatever. I'm more than happy to say hello. In most rock and roll shows you don't get to meet the band. I'm such a ham, I wanna say hi to everybody.
John: What's the feedback on the documentary?
Ron: It's doing well, just got nominated for the Chicago Film Critics Award.
John: So Roger Ebert likes it?
Ron: He must. We got great reviews in the Chicago Tribune. It's number two in the art house film box office, behind Amelie.
John: Did someone follow you around with a camera for a couple of years?
Ron: Something like that, but he would pinpoint certain events that were important. He spoke to my entire family. My family was very involved in the war. It's pretty interesting, especially with what is going on in the world these days. My mother was in the OSS as a decoder, a cryptographer during World War II. The OSS became the CIA. My mom was a very active member, fighting for the US government as a lieutenant. My dad was a sergeant. And me, being a schoolteacher, having a master's degree in special education, going on to adult movies and then some mainstream stuff: it's an interesting story. I've done eleven music videos for MTV, 55 regular features: Orgasmo (South Park guys), I played Vincenzo who gets shot in a peep show in Body of Evidence (Willem Dafoe, Madonna), Detroit Rock City...
John: I love that movie. What were you in Detroit Rock City?
Ron: I was the MC (at the strip club). I had a couple of good jokes, a couple of good lines.
John: Did you hang out with Gene Simmons (Kiss is prominent in the movie)?
Ron: Of course. We hung out at the Paradise Nudist Camp. He helped me host a big show at the Miss Nude Galaxy contest. Me and him and 120 naked women, some were Canadian. A great show. We're friends.
John: So Gene Simmons got totally unmasked?
Ron: He does it all the time. He started a magazine called Tongue. The centerfolds and cover models stick their tongues out.
John: Naturally. Let's go back to the beginning, Ron. How did you start in the porn industry?
Ron: Well I did a lot of theatre in New York. I got my degree. My ex-girlfriend sent in a picture to Playgirl magazine which got published. A director saw it, approached me to do porn. I originally said no, but a lot of directors who were doing adult were doing mainstream as well back in those days. It was film, not video, FILM!
John: What year are we talking about?
Ron: October '78. So I agreed and the next thing you know: Bingo!
John: How many movies have you been in?
Ron: Over 1700.
John: That's crazy! Now that you're dipping into mainstream Hollywood, are you still keeping up with the sex films?
Ron: A little bit. It's too much fun to quit. I work less because I have an exclusive contact with Metro Home Video.
John: How long does it take to make a film?
Ron: How long? Nine and three-quarter inches, ha-ha-ha. Sorry. Listen, the jokes are funnier on stage. I used that same line on Weakest Link (standing next to Gary Coleman no less), and they cut it out.
John: Can you make a film in one day?
Ron: A lot of 'em are. Very little story line. Here's your story line: "Hi honey here's your cup of coffee, eat this." There's your dialogue.
John: So the director gives you an opening line and away you go?
Ron: Yeah, you're delivering a pizza and bingo. What I wanna know is why every time a girl orders a pizza, they never have the money to pay for it.
John: Is it like jazz? Do you get to improvise?
Ron: Yeah of course. Just like jazz.... Just like jiz, heh-heh-heh. No, I do, in fact they rely on me to do that. I often think of some kind of goofy thing. It keeps the thing going. It's one of the reasons I got known over other actors. I'm the average guy who gets lucky. To see a gorgeous guy get all the girls is one thing, but to see me, it's like all of us have a shot at it. I also try and put in a little humour, try to make the characters a little more believable.
John: With 1700 films under your belt, so to speak, you must have been working 24 hours a day.
Ron: A lot of one day movies over a 23 year career.
John: You're not making a movie right now are you?
Ron: Yeah, as a matter of fact, later today.
John: I mean right now while you're on the phone. Multi-tasking.
Ron: Heh-heh... hold on honey, I'll be done in a minute!
John: In your opinion, what is the greatest adult film of all time?
Ron: I'd say a bunch, not just one. Many critics pick Misty Beethoven with Jamie Gillis and Constance Money. Some say Deep Throat because of the notoriety. I'll say a handful: In Love, Roommates, Assassination is one in which I star and appears a lot in the documentary. Amanda By Night, Co-ed Fever, Bad Girls I and II, Deep Throat II, III and IV, Night of the Golden Eagle ... oops that's a regular film. More recently: San Fernando Jones and the Temple of Poon, Shrink wrapped, Fresh Meat - a Ghost Story...
John: Who comes up with these names?
Ron: The director or the writer. I have a whole list of the funny ones: E3, the Extra Testicle, Josie and the Pussy Farts, Schindler's Fist, Star Whores - the Empire Licks Back....
John: I think that's enough Ron. You know the latest music craze is the rediscovery of vintage porn soundtracks like Vampire Lesbos. Are you at all interested in that side of the biz?
Ron: I'm involved in one that did very well. It's called Pornosonic, I host it. I introduce the bits: "hey folks, this is Ron Jeremy, in this next song I play the doctor", and that kinda thing. It's great.
John: You've retained your look, the big hair, the cheesy, bushy moustache, for decades. Why is that?
Ron: I just like having a moustache cuz it makes your nose look smaller. I've changed the hair, but it is frizzy by nature so it's hard to keep under control. I was thin most of my career and got careless. I went from working out in the gym to working out in the buffet. I went from Playgirl to Field and Stream. Other than that I've kept the same appearance. I'm a creature of habit. I'll drive the same car for years. If something works well, I'll keep it. I've always liked the look of the moustache. Without it I'm frightening. I will shave it for mainstream films though.
John: How long are you gonna stay in the biz?
Ron: My standard joke is I'll do it until I wake up in the morning and find the genitalia under the pillow. Then it's time to quit.
John: Is there anyone with longer staying power in the biz?
Ron: No.
John: Listen, if sex is your business, then what is your pleasure?
Ron: Reading Shakespeare, practicing soliloquies.... I'm kidding. I still enjoy sex. Nothing has changed as far as that goes.
John: Are you a one-woman guy?
Ron: No. I explained this to Barbara Walters. There's such a thing as being emotionally monogamous and yet being physically non-monogamous. People have a hard time with it cuz it's an open kind of lifestyle. Rock and rollers do it. A lot of people in Hollywood do it. Old swingers do it. A lot of them are in Canada. You can be totally, madly in love with one person, but once in a while you play around. As long as you do it honestly, fairly and with the knowledge of both people, then it's not that horrible. I'd rather my girlfriend play hide the bacon with some guy once and never see him again, than go out on dates and cuddle over night. I find that much more damaging and threatening to a relationship. Put it in, take it out and go away for life.
John: Gee Ron you can make anything sound sensible. Any political aspirations?
Ron: None.
John: Who do you hang around with? Is there a porn rat pack?
Ron: That's so cute. Yeah, me, Randy West, Tom Byron and Rocko whenever he's in town... Nah, there's no pack, but we do occasionally hang out. I also hang out with people in mainstream films.
John: Speaking of which, what do you think of Boogie Nights?
Ron: I was a consultant on it. Same for 9 and 1/2 Weeks. I've done a lot of behind the scenes on films. Boogie Nights was an accurate depiction of only a select few people. It wasn't a good example of the business as a whole. But for the John Holmes crowd, the guy Mark Wahlberg loosely portrayed, yeah, it's accurate. Originally the lead was Leonardo DiCaprio.
John: No!
Ron: Swear to God.
John: Back to your movie. Will there be action figures?
Ron: It's already started, not because of the movie. The manager of the band Anthrax has a model company and they're making a Ron Jeremy action figure. It's hysterical looking and anatomically correct.
John: Naturally. Where can you pick up this item? Toys 'R Us?
Ron: Go to Active Sportswear, a place where snowboarders and skateboarders hang out, and you can get a Ron Jeremy t-shirt. It's made by Pornstar Clothing. Go to your local headshop and you'll find Ron Jeremy rolling paper. It's made by Bob Marley's company. A lot more things, including the action figure, are coming your way soon.
John: Ok Ron, good luck with your stand-up.
Ron: Thanks, I guarantee you'll be entertained. There'll be laughs, a little erotica. We'll go as far as the law will allow.
John: Have you ever been closed down by the cops?
Ron: Nope. I don't take any chances. I know exactly what's allowed. I've never been busted.
John: Ron you are a true businessman.
Ron: Well thank you, and don't forget to catch the documentary.
....tape hiss...
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