STIR
Holy Dogs (Capitol)
Reviewed by Jason Thornberry

---

I'm famished for a CD that rocks. I need something with guts to it. Nothing so 'out there' or self-consciously ground-breaking that it's more embarrassing than enjoyable to listen to. Just something semi, semi, semi unique. Is that so much to ask?

What's this? Stir. Hmmm. Capitol just shoved literal ass-loads of moolah at this band. The air-brushed 'hot-guy-alert' back photos make it apparent. Like Fastball or Eve 6 or Harvey Danger or Matchbox Twenty or Smashmouth or Sugar Ray or Vertical Horizon, this is painfully average. Yeah, the music's in-the-pocket, the instrumentation is on the money, and the production (by Howard Benson) is very, very good--heavy on the deep-sounding, arena-ready, sing-along choruses. Plus, you can hear everything at all times. Nothing is muddy, or buried, or too hot (distorted). Nothing upstages anything else. Everything waits patiently for its turn. Nothing steps forward either.

It's like when I used to ask my friend, who's in a local band, how the groups were he shared a bill with last night. He'd sigh, wrinkle his forehead, and look at the floor: "They were...tight." That's how you nicely say something sucks without going into details, or being politically incorrect. This here is diet-rock. Reduced calories. Low octane. Very little risk-taking. Very little essence. This group just sounds "put together." Marketed. Aimed at people too stoopid to have discriminating tastes, or at least an opinion about what they buy at Wal-Mart.

"Yeah! That doesn't challenge my narrow field of vision. Leave it on!"

Stir (the group) comprises three guys all competing for the title of Cutest Guy in the Band. Their lack of sincerity makes me wanna wipe my ass with the insert to this thing. I'm betting there's more substance to the remains of what I ate last night than in this waste of Capitol Record's dough. Where did Stir find such a pointless title for this CD anyway? Did they write as much meaningless drivel as humanly possible on scraps of paper, then throw the whole mess into a hat? Is that how they came up with the moniker Stir? Like a four-course meal of pure air, I'm still hungry. Stir are tight, dude.

GRADE: C-.

© 2002 - Jason Thornberry