THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS

I guess it had to happen.

George Carlin said on his recent HBO special (reprised on the album You Are All Diseased) that sooner or later someone would walk into a church and start shooting folks. Now it's happened for real. At least the media didn't use his punch line, blaming it all on a "disgruntled worshipper."

In view of this latest shooting incident from Texas, where the shooter got his guns and ammo completely legally, I think that now we can say something new to Charlton Heston and the gun lobby. It goes like, "Sure you might be normal and sane the day you purchase your gun, but can the rest of society and myself depend on you STAYING sane?" And by the way, would you mind signing this affidavit that swears you will never be drunk, blinded by rage or fall victim to a neurological disorder before you take delivery on your new semi-automatic 50 caliber camouflaged double-barreled non-airport-detectable easily-convertible-to-fully-automatic deer assault rifle with night vision and laser scopes? Oh thank you! That's very reassuring. I'll put this in the lost and found office next to where they keep the unclaimed marbles from Texas.

Face it folks, giving the power of easy death out to so many is a bad idea.

Carlin also started me on a train of thought in one of his albums years ago, saying something to the effect that banning guns isn't really an answer, but banning bullets might work better. I reformulated that into a bumper sticker for my car that reads, "BULLETS ARE WORSE THAN DRUGS--Just say NO to the NRA."

Old George has indeed become pretty acidic in his old age. I love him for it. It's almost like he's become Lenny Bruce, or at least what I'd picture an older Lenny Bruce would be like. Carlin is making a frontal attack on our most preciously held beliefs and weaknesses more than ever before. And I can't really blame him for his anger; society's stupidity is everywhere.

One thing I can't agree with him on though is his stance on voting. George is proud that he doesn't vote. He refuses to participate in such a corrupt process. I agree it's far from perfect, even corrupt in a lot of ways, but I still vote.

One of the classic lines about the voting process is that you always wind up voting for the "lesser of two evils." People repeat this mantra like it's supposed to be an excuse for not voting. I can't think of many things that are more wrong headed than that notion. So you have a chance to decide between Evil and Worse Evil? Hot damn, YOU HAD BETTER TAKE THE LESSER EVIL.

There's an important election coming up early next month. Yes, I said next month, not next year. Governors are elected in some states, lots of city officials, school boards, bond measures, taxes issues--all will be voted on. They are all important.

Don't leave the field of battle to the voting power of minorities like the reactionary right wingers; THEY LOVE IT WHEN YOU STAY HOME. Your not voting makes it easy to get a bunch fanatic ignoramuses on the local school board, choosing textbooks to program the next generation with horse manure of biblical proportions. Or a bunch of numbskull shills onto the local city council. Or industry bagmen into the state insurance commissioner's office. It's just keeps going right up to the top.

Don't even think of complaining about politicians if you haven't voted. I can't understand how people in this country have become so LAZY that they can't move their butts over to the local school for a half-hour to vote. Face it, it is your duty to find out all you can about the people running for your government. Find out who backs them, find out their voting records, find out who they are sleeping with if it makes a difference to you. Don't depend on the TV news; read a little. It takes a bit of time but the information is out there. Make your choice from an educated position.

I don't know, maybe you'd like a former cokehead who wants to increase military spending for some unknown agenda in the White House. Off hand, I'd say an insider Tennessean who champions environmental issues and once smoked pot is the lesser evil. Maybe a former basketball star who once smoked pot and quit the senate on principle has more stature than him. Well, he is taller for sure. Lately I've been amazed to find I'm actually starting to like some of the things a former wrestler has been saying. Maybe we can keep problems like gun-toting crazies to a minimum if we keep more straight, um, shooters like him in office.

That last line didn't come out quite right, did it?

Actually, I should probably move to Minnesota right now. After his most recent comments on religion and drugs, I think our wrestling governor is going to need all the votes he can to stay in office.

I'm going to go back into the Closet to start packing my bags. Till next month then, study those local issues just like the national ones and vote down those greater evils wherever you can. Thanks for reading.


(C) 1999 Rusty Pipes

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Our lawyers are holding guns to our heads, insisting we say something to make it really hazy as to whether or not we agree with Mr. Pipes. As we have families and we're afraid of bullets, we're caving. We might not agree with Mr. Pipes, or we might. Sincerely, the editors and publisher and please call the police.