HAMBURGER HEAVEN

Hey, hot enough for you? Good enough for a cookout for sure, that's why I got the grill all fired up for the Great American Summer Celebration Ritual of burgers, brats and brew! Make you one with everything? Here you go! Life is good!

Or is it?

Why can't we just relax and enjoy things? Sure there are problems in the world but most of the time we are so obsessed with what's going wrong that we can't enjoy even a fleeting afternoon's worth of fun. People's attitudes can be so depressing! It brings to mind something that I heard from Newt Gingrich recently. National Public Radio revived a radio show called This I Believe that the great broadcast journalist Edward R. Murrow used to do and I happened to catch the one that Newt recorded. It was a very strange experience because his first sentence was "I believe the world is inherently a very dangerous place."

Damn, is that his core belief? What a downer! And I was really enjoying this beautiful afternoon! Oh, mustard and sauerkraut for those bratwursts? It's over here, dude, wouldn't be without it!

Where was I? Gingrich continued on for a couple minutes but made no mention of God or any spiritual values as you might expect from a bastion of the Republican Party. No, his belief was that the wolves are always at the door and that someone has to stand up and protect our way of life. Now I can relate to the need to defend our families but at the same time I can only think he's a man who is totally ruled by Fear. Conversely, I am constantly amazed to be living this life.

I was born a white guy. You already noticed that? You're good! Your prize is another Sam Adams. I recognize I had a white guy's head start on life but not only that, I was born in America. And in the middle of the 20th Century, a century like no other before it, with all manner of conveniences and luxuries. Most every day of my life I've not only had plenty of food, I've had meat to eat at almost every meal. By the way, you want cheese on that burger? No problem. Furthermore I've got a nice roof over my head and a comfortable bed; I've got 2 cars, several computers, 2 TVs and my own personal library of books and recordings. I didn't ask to be born into this place and time, but compared to any earlier century, I am styling big time! And so are most other Americans, especially the ones eating an ear of the sweet corn my wife roasted. Try some! I don't know about you but I recognize I am incredibly lucky to be alive right here and right now. And right here right now is minding the family grill on a lazy afternoon. But that's not the ultimate source of my amazement.

Ever see one of those bumper stickers that trumpets "With God all things are possible!" In a way I actually agree. Sure, I know the intent of it is to say that God is answering prayers, granting miracles and all the other supernatural stuff some people say God does. I don't think that's really what God is all about. I'm not really unreligious though; I do believe there is a fundamentally miraculous nature to Reality. I am best described as an agnostic. As opposed to an atheist who doesn't allow for any God, I am willing to admit the possibility of a God; it's just that most descriptions of God can't squeeze through my rational secular humanist filters.

Stop cocking your head at me like a quizzical puppy! Do you need it stated bluntly? Okay. Most descriptions of God make no sense to me! I disdain any definition that's too anthropomorphic, that relies too much on irrational ancient traditions or that relies on supernatural flim-flam to keep us in line. What did you say? Oh, you just wanted to know where the cole slaw is? Sorry, I didn't mean to get so huffy, it's over in the cooler with the sodas.

I do recognize however that there is a Something, a common reality, that came into being, and I label the cause of it as God. Sometimes I use the term Godhead instead of God because it implies the source of all existence, like a fountainhead. And that's about all I can say about God. Everything else is conjecture because none of us were there when He/She/It started Reality. As an agnostic I am willing to admit that I cannot explain the how and why of everything coming into being. There may not even be a Beginning to Reality as we mortals understand beginnings, but we are here nonetheless. I'd love to hear a rational explanation for it, but I can't imagine what it would be. I suspect it's not within human capacity to understand it. As Alan Watts used to point out, it would be so much easier for nothing at all to exist. There is no reason for it! The fact that Reality exists anyway is what I label the Big Miracle.

That's what I believe in, the Big Miracle, and that's why I am constantly amazed at this life. And because I believe that all existence is built on an unexplainable, miraculous foundation, for me it follows that all natural law has a supernatural, or rather extranatural beginning. All things are possible with God? Absolutely! Or put more exactly, all things are made possible by this First Cause, the Godhead, including all the natural laws that rule our mundane existence.

Stories that claim supernatural violation of natural laws don't impress me, because they just lay on an extra layer of miracles onto something that was already miraculous to begin with. I believe that EVERYTHING that has ever happened is a miracle, all the way from the Big Bang to this hamburger I just got off the grill. You like them well done? Whoops! Dude, you don't need to drown it with that much ketchup!

That's why I'm not particularly impressed with a lot of religious stories. I love Jesus for preaching peace and non-violence, but insisting that he's the one and only Son-of-God come down to visit us? Big deal, that's just like slopping an inch of extra mayo onto a perfectly good burger. Go ahead if you happen to like 'em that way, I just feel we are ALL miraculous sons and daughters of God. Oh, so he's extra special because was born of a virgin! That's nice, but compared to the Big Miracle it's just a bunch of grilled onions piled on it that are just gonna squeeze out with the mayo onto your shirt when you pick it up.

Everyone has their roots in the Big Miracle. Yes, even unto the Resurrection of Jesus; it's just a miracle like all the others, with pickles. The natural laws may have had a miraculous, extranatural origin, but I don't think they can be violated and that's why I can't wholeheartedly believe in the Resurrection. Death is one of the rules for anything that is born.

In a way Newt Gingrich is right, the world is a dangerous place because Death will always be a part of it, but it can't be any other way, can it? But that's not the only aspect of existence. The world is also a beautiful place at the same time. How you view it just depends on how much you fear death or fear losing the things that are precious to you.

Actually I think Newt's worried most about losing this cushy American lifestyle we've come to enjoy. And of course he's happiest if someone else is the one putting their life on the line to defend it. Oh hell, what can I say about that, standing here with my goofy World Series of Grilling apron? I'm not in harm's way either! Even so, I can't support actions that cause more strife, that unjustly deprive others of their families, possessions and lives just to defend our right to cook out. Sorry, the privilege to cook out.

I think we fear death far more in the modern age than we did in the past. Death was always a companion in earlier times and places; now with modern medicine we are living much longer and we've succeeded in pushing it away to the point where we don't understand death as well as we used to. Especially the kind of death that provides food is totally alien to most Americans -- I never had to slaughter a cow to get a hamburger! -- but many are also squeamish about the discovery of something like a dead mouse in our spic and span little worlds. Moreover we are obsessed with safety. We seem pathologically determined to keep our bodies alive forever, no matter what the preachers say about the wonderful next life. Oh my, we're out of diet soda already!? Oh well!

I can't say I'm devoid of dread when it comes to losing my family, my possessions, and eventually my life; it's just that I try to recognize all that as natural too. There was a time when the highest aspiration a person could have was to have a death that had meaning, a good death. Now, the kind of sacrifice made for the safety of others also seems alien, something only seen on TV. Ahh, TV! Over the last month I've been avidly watching Steven Spielberg's Into The West. Each two hour episode has portrayed a time when the world was a much more dangerous place and has included some terribly sad deaths, from the lady who died during a primitive amputation, to the multiple atrocities against both settlers and Indians. But I digress. Of course there is a small class of warriors and protectors that still stands ready to sacrifice themselves for the good of the group. This is one of the few forms of human sacrifice that remains, a possibility for a meaningful death so that others may live. But too often their lives are given in vain.

Damn, are we out of potato salad too? I hate to say it but much as I loathe our current war, it's pretty small potatoes compared to the wars of yesteryear. Anyway, we'd have to occupy Iraq another couple of decades before we would see casualties on the level of Vietnam even, let alone one of the World Wars or our own Civil War. It's, ahem, a fucking miracle that it's not any worse! Hey, the wind's shifting, you might want to move out of the smoke there.

We've got it easy, our lives are infinitely better than those who came before us. The strange thing is that we don't seem to be able enjoy anything. We're always complaining, focusing on what's wrong with our everyday lives, and yes, the dangers of the greater world too, when by every measure we are living in a Golden Age. Golden Ages never last though, but then every moment is a golden miracle anyway, isn't it? Even the buns I left on the corner of the grill too long are a miracle. They're a bit burnt but I'll eat 'em.

Make you another one with everything? Sure, another Backyard Enlightenment Special coming up! Oops, I almost forgot there's a watermelon in the cooler I left in the Closet too. I'd better dive in and retrieve that right now before the entropy of this hot afternoon catches up with it. Thanks for reading and until next issue the Closet is closed.

© 2005 - Rusty Pipes

Official Disclaimer: The opinions of Rusty Pipes are clearly his and not those of the Publisher and (especially) Editor of Cosmik Debris Magazine. Seriously, sauerkraut? How can anyone put that spoiled cabbage in their mouths? It's so gross... that I think I'm gonna get sick right here on the screen just from thinking about it. No, uh uh, I can't do this right now. Consider this disclaimed. Oh God... Can I use your hat for a second?!